Mean While, Back At the Ranch

Yippe Kayo, Yippe Kaya! I'm planning on checking out of The Motel this month. My long season of serfdom is almost over. I just can't take it no more! We have far less guests but way more drama of which I probably am the most guilty of. Jeeves has been getting on my nerves like no other. I just can't stand...Well whatever! I'm tired of rehashing the idiocy that is embodied in him. All I know is that there is no time like the present.

I started looking about 3 weeks ago and I think I'm really close to finding the apartment I want. I can't wait to move into peace and quiet. If I ever have roommates again (which I won't unless they come with names like husband and chir'ren) we all better live on the same or similar schedules. I'm a bit neurotic about my quiet time.

It's like relationships. A few differences bring zest and new experiences but too many differences and you got a hell-in-a-handbag bust hell wide open situation. My relations with The Motel has been of the latter. So let's cut to the chase. Who's to blame? ME of course! As if.

You just can't work a 9-5 be on a routine schedule and live with people who have no idea of what a schedule or routine is. It's not their fault. They don't have jobs and so they go to bed at 11pm after an evening of rauckus gossiping, snore like a locamotive all night, and then have the audacity to wake you up at 4:30am with their shuffling and nervous tendencies and singing of old negro spirituals, and more loud talking to only themselves. Going in and out of doors all night like a crack head, testing buttons a new cell phone and being in awe of the speaker phone feature like they just landed on earth all before the rooster has even gotten up. If I was a swearing women I'd say I swear I hear roosters cursing him every morning. If you haven't gotten the picture, let me sum it up for you. Have you ever had someone wake you up 30 minutes to an hour before you actually have to get up? Well there you go. EVERYDAY!

DM thinks it's cute. She ain't gonna think it's cute when I'm gone and he's sleeping in the room next to hers and The Geezers with only a thin wood paneled wall between them. She's gonna really be pissed when I don't give her my new address.

I'm not angry. I'm just counting down the days until I'm gone. I can see sweet freedom on the horizon.

I've been working on the Reverse Halter from Double Stitch. It's going so fast that there's no need to post progress pics. FO in next post.

Kamika the Free

Finale!!

0918 hours

Breaking News!

0902 hours

Still In There

0738 hours

Breakfast of champions! Pecan Pie A la Mode.

She's still in there although DM is rousing her. She seems combative and obstinent.

0756 hours

I'm starting to believe that this is some sort of extortion ploy. She doesn't want to go back to her own home. Well you can't take the PRitz wit'ya baby.

One sec...

I had to go get the aisle separators so that I could mark off the path to get to TG's and DM's half bath. It's either this way or buckets for the rest of the staff...

Motel Babylon...The Day After Christmas

0642 hours

I'm staying home from my primary job today to assist here at The Motel. Why? Because a lot of guests came in with the holiday rush on yesterday and some haven't gone home, thus hindering my progress on getting ready for my primary job. These folks are crazy! I'm only working two jobs because I have to, otherwise this Motel job would be the first to go.

I'm feeling very guilty about missing work today. This is the 3rd absence I've had since being there. Twice because I have been sick and now a third because of alcoholics rowdy guests. One guest in particular has locked herself and her walker in the spa. She was already half way into the spa door so I couldn't stop her. It would have been an event of epic proportions to get her to stop and turn her and the walker (tennis balls and all) around and then help her to make it back to her room and onto the bed.

Dammit!!! I need to be in the spa by 0630. NO EXCEPTIONS! At 0630 everyone in the house freezes. No water is turned on, ST is locked securely in her room finishing dressing for school, and Jeeves is sitting still (well as still as he can with his nervous issue) in the kitchen. All other guests and staff are asleep or at least faking it well.

If I'm not in there on time then I'm running behind and I HATE to be late. I used to love it, you know being fashionable and all, but my Pastor done worked that out of me. Another story for another time. Anyways, being late makes me anxious and leaves me feeling stupid so I don't do it.

0700 hours

I called off 15 minutes ago. She's still in there. I think she may have fallen asleep on the crapper. She done set up camp. She ain't but about 95 pounds. She can't push too much out or she'll lose half her life. LOL. I know I'm being crass. Told the folks at work I'm having home issues. If they only knew...

0715 hours

No movement.

Kamika

Motel Babylon...The Saga Continues

I said I'd tell you so let the Benita Betrell in me get to it!

About three weeks ago DM asked if I wouldn't mind booking an indefinite extended stay for a guest named Peter Pan (PP for short), his wife Sister Dejected (henceforth called SDJ) and two daughters Surly Teenager 16 (ST) and Lying Butterfly 8 (LB). Originally there were 3 kids but when they found out that the Motel added a surcharge on for every kid they ditched him. Apparently Little Steppin Fetchit belonged to SDJ's sister so she sent him back home. Where ever that was. Don't worry though over the course of their stay he makes numerous appearances to use The Motel ammenities all the while acting less than intelligent, shiftless, and obstinant. 3 year olds shouldn't be this way but when you hang around PP you are bound to pick up all sorts of backwards habits including a groupie like love for 50 Cent.

I didn't mind. Heck, they needed help so why not.

It began as it always does. PP and SDJ agreed to pay the room rate on time, and buy their own food in exchange for the upper level First Room Suite with Dining Room attached and in short distance from the spa bathroom. They agreed to smoke in the DESIGNATED, ahem designated smoking areas, park their two cars in their designated parking spots, attend to their own children (this is absolutely not the Plaza Hotel and not a one of them is named Eloise), get jobs, and be all around merry to the other guests and staff.

But no...Since being here they have not bought a drop of food to feed their young spawn. Have not parked in their designated parking. Have commenced to smoking not only on the front veranda but also on the side porch (outside said asthmatic staffers window), in the storage areas, and I believe in the spa bathroom - turning it from spa to putrid water hole. Have not gotten nan job, walk around looking despondent and blue to everyone, leave their kids at the drop of a hat to go nowhere but somewhere. Eat all the food in their paths, mix all their smoke filled dirty clothes with DM and TG's in their clothes hamper (TG is still reeling from that one), dont' clean up and and guess what? The Coup D'etat! Bring home a ROTTWEILER!

YESSSSSS! These negroes guests have no place of their own and can barely afford the cost to wake up in the morning but can afford to go and get themselves a damn puppy!

TG said they couldn't have it, but they've figured out a way to get DM onboard. I guess that may end today as the rott has gone a number two on the lobby carpet. But that's just a small part. The next morning after his arrival he was in the storage (yes near said staff member's storage) presumably in his cage crying to all high heaven. Yelping and and barking right outside of my window (of course) and within earshot of TG.

Their stay thus far has been full of fireworks, including a very explosive episode with said staff member, a large cast-iron skillet, and the head of PP. I refuse to be bullied.

I've got much more to tell you, but I'll stop right here. Next week I think it may be a good idea to give you a primer on who everyone actually is. Like a list of charactere at the beginning of a play.

Until then,

Kamika

Summertime Rush At the Motel

The motel has been really busy this last week. In the span of about 4 days we have had one long-time guest check out, two guests fly in from Virginia by way of down the street, and one surprise guest check in late last night by way of Kansas City via Inglewood.

The long time guest has been calling daily to secure herself a room again. She is insisting on the room in the front with the nearly panoramic view of the front yard and within earshot of the neighbors feigned debauchery. TB said absolutely not! TG said, "Sorry ma'am. That room has been booked." This of course has reduced that guest to quibbling on the phone and lodging complaints via Myspace.

Our lucky boarders from VA have been making themselves comfortable and thoroughly enjoying themselves as they've been frequently seen frolicking in the California sun. They've hit every attraction from Disneyland to the Hollywood Walk of Fame all via the Los Angeles Transit system. They are truly candidates for a California Tourism PSA. You would have thought that they would have put some of that long money away and gotten themselves a REAL hotel room and a rental car. But I guess those were sinful thoughts repented for and cast into the Sea of Forgetfulness. Hmmmm. I don't think God's gonna forget this one.

Unfortunately for them we haven't a pool here at the motel as of yet, so the ladies had nowhere to wade. That didn't stop them though from putting on their skirted swimsuits and slinking through the motel lobby sitting on the furniture just as casual as could be. I guess since the sun doesn't shine in the lobby they didn't feel the need for a cover up. I would have thought that the heavy plastic on the couch would have been uncomfortable to their bare gelatinous skin but I guess I was wrong. TB just sat there in awe.

Our final guest from Kansas City is a doll. It's nice to have her here but I hate that she had to come so late. Everytime she's here in these parts we here at the motel get all nostalgic and reminisce for hours at a time about 30 years ago. Those were the days.

Hopefully the VA ladies will find another attraction to distract themselves with while the kitchen staff (me and TB) get down with cooking for the 4th of July. I anticipate this holiday will be a full blown Cotillion. TB can't seem to stop inviting people she can't stand.

Well let me get to shucking this corn!

Kamika

God Please.....

...nah, just allow me to live throught it. These people are really driving me to drink knit! Man, I have never met a bunch of folks that like to keep up some mess. Families are messy endeavors. Bonding with said members of a certain family is even messier. Did I mention that I'm a neat freak? Thank you God for my subterranean penthouse apartment.

Folks don't want to go home. Folks don't want to be quiet in the midnight and early morning hours. I don't know when we got a butler and a maid, but all of a sudden Jeeves and Hazel report for duty every morning and stay till really late at night. It would be nice if they cleaned up something or put in some glove action. But then again, I think they only work for The Bully and by association, The Geezer.

What we really need around here is a cook! Room service is seriously lacking here at the motel. The Geezer gave that up a long time ago when he retired from his day job. Now what does that have to do with us? AND, The Bully only cooks when she has an audience. I refuse to applaude when I'm unsatisfied after the 1st act. LOL!

I'm moving to the Hilton. I can stay in Paris' room while she is away at "La Chateau du L.A. Twin Tower Lockup." I refuse to lay in her bed though.

I'm just funning wit ya!

Kamika