Back To Normal

Home is now home again. For a minute there I was seriously contemplating moving. I just couldn't handle the bugs. I believe I may have been having an anxiety attack that was triggered by the bugs and my emotional (suppressed) state after the funeral. Jeeves came over and fixed the problem - one of the sub floors under my closet was exposed and cracked. Since my apartment is directly over the gutter, the bugs were finding there way in through my closet. There was no way I was going to be able to tolerate bugs crawling on my clothes let alone in my home on a regular basis.

The area you see below is where the built-in drawers have been pulled out and this is what was behind them. Jeeves came in and drywalled the wall in and sealed the sub floor.



Large bugs to me are the equivalent of snakes and mice to others. The sound of the crack of a water bug,when stepped on, sends chills up my spine. One came out of my closet and I got the strength to run and get a broom to kill it. It became a war cause it just wouldn't die. I finally swept it outside half dead where it remained on the porch until my sister-in-law SDJ came over (with DM and Jeeves) and full of angry fear stepped on it hard!

Earlier, I hadn't realize I was in such a bad state until I called DM to ask her to send Jeeves over and I couldn't stop crying enough to tell her what I needed. I had to call her back. I went for my morning jog but decided to walk instead and I was crying while speed walking. I had to come home and talk to God. I'm and odd griever. Sometimes I can go years without crying or even acknowledging the vacancy a person's death has left in my life. This time though, I was grieving for her and my own heart state.

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My grandmother Charlene (we called her Charlena) passed on Saturday, August 2nd. She wasn't my actual grandmother but back 33 years ago, when my mother came to California for a visit and ended up staying, she became my mother's adopted godmother. At that time my mom was a soon to be divorcee and a traveling gospel back up singer. She came to California because my Aunt had brought my older brother (PP) here for a visit and refused to bring him back home to Ohio. My aunt was and still is a bit of a wild child. Long story short I came along, my Grandma Charlena introduced us to her church and my parents have been members there ever since (give or take a few years due to rough patches).

Grandma Charlena's life was my first recognizable glimpse into refinement. I remember having Thanksgiving dinner at her house and the long continuous table that fit probably 20-30, well appointed with every crystal glass, fine bone china, and full silverware you would need and then some. She would throw together at least 15 different entrees in addition to the turkey. I was always so excited. Always in awe.

She was a stately woman who talked a lot of trash and wore a lot of tweeds and fur coats. She enjoyed a good stiff drink and to dance. She'd curse a man out in a minute and wouldn't hesitate to tell you you've gained weight but were still pretty. She was also the person who in a time when kids were learning to be fast tails told me that there was nothing wrong with wanting to be smart and creative. When Mrs. Adams around the corner taught me to crochet, it was Grandma Charlena who I practiced with. Twice a month or so she would pick me up in her burgundy Lincoln Bonneville or little grey station wagon and we would go "Goody Shopping." Goody shopping is shopping at yard sales. We would get all sorts of little trinkets and yarn.

I'll miss the woman who for my birthday gave me white panties three sizes too big with ones, fives, and tens dollar bills stick pinned into them; although I won't miss the pain I got when I tried to put them on but had failed to remove all the pins. I'll miss being called Lady Bug. I'll miss the replacement of her curse words with "a oomph oomph and an umph umph umph!" I'll miss her, but God's got it all under control.

Kamika consoled and done grieving

I Desperately Need A Man!!

Oooh Lawd! I got this huuuuuge water bug in my closet!!! I'm scared to death! I'm so scared I called my Momma who's asleep. I ended up on the phone with my older brother who was cracking up at me. I'm so afraid I'm tempted to run upstairs and get the neighbor to come and kill it for me. I HATE BUGS!!!

It took my breath away and had me fighting air and hyperventilating in my bedroom for a cool 5 minutes. I've been throwing 4" inch heels blindly in the closet to try and knock it down off of one of the hangers. I'm not sleepy no mo! I may end up laying on the couch tonight.

I know tomorrow it may seem funny but right now I'm crying. This is me:
(Check out minute 05:30 or try viewing here)

I'm gonna really have to muster up some courage to get dressed in the morning. Being up this late is going to hinder my running. I need to find a local man to handle this kind of mess!

Kamika crying like a baby

Thanks!

I really wanted to thank all of you who responded to my last post. Sorry it took me so long to get back. I've been a little slow lately and so I've had to take to writing a To Do list in order to get things.

I think I may have come off as arrogant, which was not my intention. I think every now and then something emotional triggers you to look at your current situation and wonder if you are doing all that you should be. Could be. Have you forgotten your dreams and become complacent? Are you redeeming the time or just wasting the talents you been blessed with? Have you lost sight of the mission and so haven't learned enough? And lastly, have you learned all you were supposed to, in this season in this place, and therefore have completed the mission and over stayed your welcome which is why others are working your nerves?

A couple of you hit the nail on the head. Finish the lesson. I did ask My Beloved to work out some ugly things in my character. He in His soveriegnty took care of all the details, including the time, place, and people. I'm not ready to go yet, I still have a few more sections in this chapter to learn. Thanks for the prayers!

Moving on. One of The Motel guests passed last week. I have to pay my last respects tomorrow. I'm really missing her but I believe that the day of one's death is better than the day of their birth (Ecc. 7:1). I'm sure she and God are having a good time catching up in Heaven. bet they're goody shopping. With all the mansions in Heaven, I'm sure they have yard sales.

I made some jewelry and worked on my knitting. More upbeat posts to come.

Kamika Contemplative

Getting Restless

I'm getting restless again. It's a mode I get into every couple of years when I feel I need to make a change on the 9-5 front. I'm bored as the dickens and have been having a hard time finding the burst of energy to swing by the Man's house each day. I do get there every morning, although my attitude has been less than stellar. When I get to this point it's usually a quick spiral down into pure judgemental anger against those I work with ending in an all out stalemate.

I hate that about myself. I need to take work and my work environment less seriously but I've always had an issue with being non-productive and having non-productive people around me. I figure since you spend 1/3 or more of your daily life there you need to love it or at least like it. I feel that when I get there I should have things to do that don't drop my IQ 25 points each day. I'm not one of those who likes to come to work and sit around. If you are willing to pay me to do nothing or to surf the Internet, then pay me to stay home. None of this was in the job description.

I don't need to control situations anymore, I've learned that God takes care just fine without my input and usually to my advantage. What I do need is for people to work smart with me and delegate those things which are not their forte before they become chaos. I do not like the voice of our department being the one person who is making the most mistakes and causing delays.

I'm trying to be 100% and not 75% grateful. I need to take this as an opportunity to nip murmuring in the bud and to love people regardless of their shortcomings like others do me. I'm going to working on that today. I'm off as we've had a death in the family and I need to help take care of some business. I'll keep you all posted later.

Question: How do you deal with working in a not-so-ideal work environment? This can include SAHMs as well.


Kamika checking her attitude at the door

Upgrade Me!

Had an eventful last couple of days. This week was my department's "Team Building Week". Something much needed since in our large department is made up of about 5 or 6 smaller departments that look each other in the face each day but have little to say to one another. The ladies who organized it did a very good job of drawing the silly and friendly competition out of us all. I really commend them for their hard work, not only because I myself had goo gobs of fun participating but I know it's really hard getting a whole bunch of pretentious and insanely political folks to work together.

Each day our groups, chosen at the onset by kiddie puzzle pieces, worked together to solve Olympic-like games such as cake decorating and poster drawing. The week culminated in an picnic outing to a very large park and a tour of our lovely city all on board a classic British double-decker bus piloted by two guys in kilts. Seeing as I don't drink, I wasn't too surprised at how wild we got without liquor. I think some of them were cause they were telling all their business the minute someone looked their way. It was all good though. I didn't take pics.

I don't know if Ihad to but I did go out and buy a new computer yesterday. The other night while watching The Boondocks my trusty old computer tried to give up the ghost. It froze on me and said I had a registry error. I resuscitated it but after restarging it made me reenter the Microsoft key and told me it had to restore itself. I knew then that the time had come for me to put my beloved baby to sleep. I had put it off as long as I could. No sense in prolonging the life support.

It didn't help that folks were laughing behind its back every time I talked about it. I began to dread the question, "what are you running?", for fear that I would look out of touch. I would always give my pat answer: "Windows 98, but it's super fast and clean. I've never had a virus, run all the programs I need, and am only looking to upgrade because Microsoft stopped providing support for it nearly a year ago." They would look at me like I was crazy and bust out laughing. Saying mess like, "You don't even have XP?" and "Windows 98?" and "How much memory you got on that thang?" To which I would always want to respond with something smart like, "Does Windows 98 sound like XP?" and "I see you on the memory tip. I'se only got about 11 gigs." The last part alone would make them fall out on the floor again but this time holding the fetal position until they realized how tall and imposing I looked from their position on the floor.

So yesterday I pushed up my scheduled purchasing by about a month and sashayed into Circuit City to look at their units. It would be a unit until I bought it, then it would become my family. I figured now would be the perfect time to buy one because back to school is just around the corner and I should be able to get a good deal. I figured I would hit CC and then swing over to Best Buy to see what they had. I didn't get past my first stop.

After looking at all the "out of box" units (former display units), I settled on 5 that were under $500 dollars. When the manager came over to help me I told him my dilemma. He laughed his sinister laugh. Ha Ha Ha! Then told me that he had to go tell his other manager what I was running, cause that would give him a good laugh and lift his spirits. I didn't know there was a ministry in computer buying. The evidence of God is everywhere. After his bellyrub he told me he felt sorry for me (in much nicer terms) and that he had to bring me up to at least Vista, especially since Microsoft just stop supporting XP about 3 weeks ago. I decided to play the damsel in distress role and appeal to his ego with my Win98 handicap and my obviously somewhat well read knowledge of computers. I was off and running. No batting my eyelashes needed. It was refreshing to him. Silly rabbit!

In the end I won! I left with a computer that was outside of my original 5 choices. The computer I got was $120 higher than the highest I was looking at. He gave me a discount. He offered $100 off so I asked for $120 he agreed. I tried to test my luck at $140 but by that time, he had caught up.

My new fam is a lean mean, computing machine. I now have 720 gigs and can watch high def TV on my computer without squinting. I refuse to pay for cable when the cost of watching TV through your computer is free through your ISP. That's one less bill I have to worry about.

My favorite TV watching spot.

Kamika Upgraded