Tuesday, March 24, 2009

This Just Irks Me

Most times I don't post because I'm just plain busy. Other times its because I wonder if the things I think about are relevant or just critical. I am a critical thinker and not in the critique judgemental form, although I do a lot of that too, but in the child-like "Why?" form. I dissect things constantly to get at the root of them. My natural tendency is to teach and simplify.

Although I try to think hard before I speak and season my words with love I often come off as high-minded and judgemental. The truth: I am high-minded, but no longer haughty or arrogant. I think on a higher plane. Not a plane unto myself mind you but one that constantly challenges my level of contentment versus my level of complacency. Naturally those around me receive some of the settling dust within my mind. I don't think I'm better than anyone, contrarily I strive to be "the least of these."

Most times when you are trying to serve others you don't get to talk about yourself - your fears, concerns, doubts, worries, desires... What irks you. You spend a good amount of your time listening and nurturing the dreams of some others. In this mode you can easily become angry, especially when you realize some people just don't want to change. Eventhough you try to love people where they are (in hopes that they will do the same for you) it doesn't always eliminate the bad after taste left in your heart. I refuse to be angry anymore. I want to talk about me.

My disclaimer is not meant to be heavy but more light-hearted than anything. Starting tomorrow I'll be back on my blogging game and will start a new column called "You Know What Irks Me?" I'm a start blasting stuff folk do. Myself included. Some will make you think, and some will make you mad. But trust, you'll more than likely be able to relate. The insanity must stop.

Kamika ahead of the game (I already wrote tomorrow's post)


Torrance Stephens - All-Mi-T said...

its ok as long as u know what u are talking about an informed my prob is i meet folks who have no understanding about what they speak

buttahflychronicles said...

Hmmmm. I analyze too.

I wonder though, have the people that you are trying to help asked for your help? Maybe that's why you come off high minded or judgemental, haughty or arrogant, ya feel me?

I recall a time when folk who saw me, a single mom, would want to reach out to help me somehow without me even asking. Only thing is, they had already decided how they were going to help before asking me what kind of help I needed. When I said no thank you I seemed unappreciative. "We're gonna come wash your car!" "But I just went through the car wash and it was only $5. But can ya babysit?" lol. "Well, I don't want to babysit, I want to wash your car."

Yeah, it's probably safer to make your observations on your blog instead of right to people's faces. It's hard to be around people like that.

--In love.